the bends

from first bloom by Saint Mela

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    Artwork by Aaron Lockwood, design by Adam Ball

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about

i guess now i’m avoiding your part of harlem.
(wish i had the cash to make my vices problems).
your parents might come running when you call them,
but ain’t nowhere for me to go but deeper when i’m drowning-
cause i can pop a cork, twist a tag,
clutch my glass, and lean way back.
(cause i dont always move as fast as you do)

& sometimes i find you in the bottom of bottle
where you’ve gone- is somewhere i won’t follow,
said, sometimes i find you in the bottom of a bottle
and where you’ve gone, is somewhere,
i won’t swallow- where you’ve gone

all these dark spaces you hauled in,
(all you that could crawl in)
i fit in my own skin, sifted through my own sins
& knew this could happen when you hit a tailspin
this balance we hang in
between floor and the ceiling
like morning and evening, the wound and sealant
stayed wide awake while i’m the one dreaming
searching through these memories for something to believe in
cause on that swing at dusk - it was the last time i breathed in

(and damn, if i ain’t still looking for you)
gotdamn, if i ain’t still looking for you

but sometimes i find you in the bottom of bottle
where you’ve gone- is somewhere i won’t follow,
said, sometimes i find you in the bottom of a bottle-
where you’ve gone, is somewhere, i won’t swallow,

where you’ve gone!
love, i said damn, if i ain’t still looking for you
gotdamn damn, if i aint still looking
for where you’ve gone
and where’ve you gone, love?
where’ve you gone? where did ya?
where you’ve gone, i won’t go

credits

from first bloom, released November 30, 2018

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Saint Mela New York, New York

spd, josh, & wolf

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